If a man looks at a woman lustfully, then he has committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matt. 5:28)
The Scripture tells us,
Do not lust in your heart after her beauty… (Prov. 6:25a NIV)
But what exactly does it mean to look at someone lustfully?
It means to admire someone to the point of coveting or wishing to possess that person for oneself: generally, for selfish or impure ends. Looking at someone lustfully invariably involves the powerful inward desire or instinct to share physical intimacy with that person.
It also may be defined as the harbouring of impure thoughts toward that person. These impure thoughts, or the inward desire of the mind for intimacy, need not be considered only in terms of excessive and inappropriate desire for sexual intercourse— although this is included. Lust, however, assumes many other forms. One of these other forms is the inward craving for intimate physical contact. This could involve the lustful desire for mutual sexual gratification, without necessarily extending to full sexual intercourse.
Of course, there is no moral difference between sexual intercourse and sexual gratification short of intercourse. If intercourse before marriage is sinful—and it is—then sexual gratification before marriage is also sinful. No one is exempt from the temptation to lust. Therefore, we must take every care to avoid harbouring impure thoughts by rejecting them whenever they first enter our minds. This involves the exercise of strict self-control. Also, we must take every care to avoid putting ourselves deliberately into any situation where we know that we will be exposed to this or a similar temptation.
The forms of lust mentioned above—and all forms of sexual impurity—are classed either as adultery, or as adultery of the heart. In God’s sight, there is no moral difference between the two. The thought of the mind, and the deed of the body, are both alike a violation of the seventh commandment. (Exodus 20:14; Matt. 5:28)
In the Scriptures, adultery is not confined exclusively to unfaithfulness within the marriage relationship. When used generically, or without the presence of other more specific terms, the expression ‘adultery’ can refer to all forms of sexual immorality. Thus, in the Ten Commandments, adultery relates to all forms of sexual sin. In a similar manner, the expression ‘fornication’ (or sexual immorality) is not confined to the sin of pre-marital (or extra-marital) intercourse—although, of course, these are included. When used generically, the term ‘fornication’ can apply to all forms of sexual impurity or uncleanness.
Our Body is Not for Sexual Immorality
Concerning sexual immorality, God’s Word says:
…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. (1 Cor. 6:13b NIV)
? Are we keeping our body pure—for the Lord?
The Scripture continues:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? (1 Cor. 6:15a NIV)
? How should we treat the parts of Christ’s body?
Again, God’s Word says:
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (1 Cor. 6:18 NIV)
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. (Eph. 5:3 NIV)
Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking… (Eph. 5:4a NIV)
(19) Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
(20) you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.
(1 Cor. 6:19-20 NIV)
Our body is the Lord’s. It is a vessel cleansed from every defiling impurity, and hallowed unto God. We must keep that vessel pure—sanctified and holy—for the presence of the Lord. In practice, this means that we must not give our body, or any of its parts, to anyone—except in marriage.
Developing Ones Relationship:
Laying the Right Foundation
Primarily, the period of courtship is a period of getting to know one another intimately—as people. Intimate physical knowledge should have no place at any stage of courtship. This privilege is reserved for marriage alone.
Something Natural can Still be Sinful.
The desire for physical intimacy (i.e., intimate sexual contact) is indeed completely natural. But to seek to express that desire physically, outside of marriage, is absolutely wrong. God demands total purity or chastity before marriage. While we are courting,
therefore, we must never give way to our natural desires for sexual intimacy: not under any circumstances.
Ones relationship with ones boyfriend or girlfriend must be built upon trust and respect—not upon ones powerful feelings or desires. We must never allow ourselves to do something simply because it feels natural. Something that feels perfectly natural can still be sinful.
Assuming we are developing an ongoing relationship with a Christian partner—but not otherwise—we can show natural emotions such as tenderness or affection toward that person: as long as our intentions and our actions are always honouring to God.
If, however, we are beginning to lose total self-control, or if we are doing anything with the deliberate intention of causing or maintaining sexual arousal—either in ourselves or in our partner—then we are in great danger of going too far.
? How far can you safely go?
? How far can you pull the trigger on a gun, before we fire the bullet?
We must never start what may become impossible to stop.
These are just a few of the practical matters relating to courtship where the exercise of self-control is essential. Self-control, however, must not be construed to mean that we cannot show any measure of love or affection toward a person whom we are courting in a God-honouring relationship. Restraint taken to this extreme would be most unnatural and unkind, if not cruel.
? However, regarding those who have broken God’s bounds, what shall we say?? Is any one of us without sin?
? Who among us, therefore, shall be the first to cast a stone?
It’s Too Late to Tell Me Now!“All right,” someone may say, “I can see now that we mustn’t give way to our natural desires for physical intimacy before marriage. But that presents me and my partner with problems—for we have given way. We used to think that it was alright to do some of the things you’ve been talking about. In fact, we’ve been doing them regularly—and we’re Christians. What should we do now?
Each of them can acknowledge that they have sinned against the Lord, against each other, and against their parents. They can confess their sin to God. If they are prepared to seek his forgiveness with all their hearts, God will surely forgive them and will restore them both to full fellowship with himself and with his Son (1 John 1:9)
For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life
